The Face of Newark Abroad

 Ok he’s not my boyfriend in that way. He is my close friend that is a male. Anyway, here in “the city of love” I have not found love. I can’t help but wonder if that has anything to do with my friend becoming more and more attractive to me or is he really just awesome??

I have always had more male friends than female. Guys and I get along better and we are not in competition with one another. (Unless we make a bet to see who can get more numbers in one night; which we do occasionally.) I am always around guys. It’s easier for me to relax around them and be real and honest with one another. Females always have the drama going on and I can’t stand airheads and stuck up chicks.

I’m often with the “boys” whether we are eating or pre-gaming or in a club. I am very fond of all six of them and will keep in touch with them when we all leave to go our separate ways. The one that I’ll discuss in particular won’t stop being attractive! He is really smart, my go-to guy for class and other miscellaneous things, down to earth, has sex appeal and he’s mature! I find myself constantly talking about him! I really wanted him to meet my French girlfriend. Just wanted to introduce the two. While waiting for him to show up at a party I could not stop talking about him. My friend asked, “Why do you want me to meet him so bad?” I said because he’s just really cool. I’m sure you’ll like him. (Everyone would like him! Did I mention he’s awesome?)

That got me thinking, I’m doing a great job of “selling” him and he is an ideal person to date! Unfortunately our school community is way too small for dating (or hooking up) with each other.
Everyone is in everyone else’s business. Besides that, I would not want to sully such a great friendship.

This is why I need a hot Frenchman to take my mind off of my American friend! Why couldn’t my friend have been unattractive and boring?? We always have such a great time together and enjoy each other’s company. It seems to be getting worse! I know he is off limits but I am increasingly attracted to him.

What can I do to make my boy-friend unattractive??? HELP!

Comments on: "How To Make My Boyfriend Unattractive" (28)

  1. “Besides that, I would not want to sully such a great friendship.”

    Sully It.

    Life is short.


  2. That’s a tough one! Growing up, I was normally the lone girl in a group of dudes, so I definitely understand your comfort there. I’d say the trick is to distract, distract, distract yourself if you really do not want to turn the boy-friend into a boyfriend. Try to change it up, hanging out with the other guys and odd friends more until your boy-friend isn’t so much in focus!

    • You’re right I need a good distraction. You’d think that graduate school is distraction enough! I need to throw myself more into work or touristy stuff in the city that doesn’t involve him.

  3. Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day…
    It’s none of my business, but I say, “Don’t ignore a good thing, too long.” If you are interested, and he’s interested, why not go for it? If it doesn’t work, it wasn’t meant to be. If it does…
    For the record, my husband was my very best friend in the world, for 6 years, while I was married to someone else. Then, divorce, and HEY… look at that guy who’s been staring me in the face for years and years. How did I not notice how amazing he is???? Good luck!

    • I’d have to agree with blackholeundermycouch. Why not go for it? If it’s meant to be, it will be. If not, c’est la vie! There is a slight risk of friendship being ruined, but then I always say to myself: better do something and regret it than later on regret not doing it.

    • @blackholeundermycouch
      The thing is, I have no idea if he is interested and I dare not make a fool of myself by putting it out there and he rejects me!
      I would be so upset with myself if I did that and things became weird with us for the rest of our time here.

      @surrey gal
      You’re right about regrets. I’m usually the person saying go for it. But I am timid with this one for so many reasons. I will be a little more patient. Maybe if he is interested he will come to me. If not, I’ll have my answer.

  4. Hey, travelingmad, there’s an old saying: Time will temper any regret for the things we have done. Regret for the things we have not done is inconsolable. (A little advice from two folks who were friends for ten years before getting married. We are celebrating our 20th anniversary this year.)

    • @jmdattilo
      Wow. Congratulations on your relationship. Idk. The fear of rejection and awkwardness is too much. I will be a little more patient and if he is interested hopefully he will come to me.
      If not, I’ll just have a secret friend crush. (Well secret between me, you, and WordPress!)

  5. This sounds like a familiar place to be for me! I love to hang with the guys and have developed my fair share of serious crushes. That being said, I learned a few things along the way. First, a friendship can endure after feelings come to the surface. In the past, I would have said, “Be honest and tell him what you are thinking!” That is what I have always done! It never worked. If he was interested, he would approach you. That is of course complicated by the relationship being “off limits”. It is also possible that you missed his attempts to approach you.

    Enjoy his company, be reassuring of any attempt on his part, and have fun with him! The relationship will develop if it is mutual and if that happens… go for it!! It sounds like you two may have the beginnings of something really great. What good is a relationship if not firmly grounded in a friendship??

  6. What if you discard this man then never find another to love? If you feel the way you do, you should keep that something special in your life: it might not come again.

    • @ Team Oyeniyi I don’t love this friend. We are good friends and nothing more. I find him attractive but that’s it.
      I’m ok with that. We are parting ways this summer. Idk what the future will bring. We shall see.

  7. Is the hesitation more because you don’t know if he’d want to take it further and you don’t want to put yourself out there? Woman it’s 2011! Ask the man out, if he’s not interested then move on. Life is filled with awkward moments, rejection, joy, pain…ok that last part was from a song but still. If you truly don’t want a relationship with this friend then like others have suggested hang out with him a little less or find other distractions. However, if you want it don’t put limits on yourself.

    Also ‘Females always have the drama going on and I can’t stand airheads and stuck up chicks’. I disagree, it comes down to the person not their sex. I hope you also don’t put up with men who are arrogant and dense.

    • I’m just saying I’m attracted to him but wish I wasn’t. I don’t want to be in relationship with him. That’d be weird!

      We both have been keeping busy with other things now like midterm exams and research papers. We have less time to hang out. (Which is ok with me. School comes first.)

      We will just remain friends. I don’t put up with anyone’s nonsense or junk, male or female. I do find however, that the majority of the drama comes from females.

  8. I agree with blackholeinmycouch go for it.

  9. freebasingspraycheeze said:

    Ok, just a thought: I ended up marrying one of those “too good a friends to date guys…” We have been married 12 years! I fell for him because he was so “in love” with this other woman and couldn’t stop talking about her. He set me up with his roomate (we datend awhile…) I consoled him when Ms. Perfect fell apart and then set him up with my friend. We were great friends for over a year! Then one night we both got honest e and the rest is history. I am glad it happened that way. We both saw what we were getting into. And, after years the friendship base is WAY more important than anything else.
    So, don’t force anything, but don’t block anything… My unsolicited advice for what its worth. 🙂

    • @freebasingspraycheeze Thanks for the advice. All good relationships start with good friendships. I have moved on from my “boyfriend”/crush. Congratulations on your marriage!

  10. Haha, you’re in the same situation I was in three years ago! Almost the exact same situation actually…. Anyway, it seems like you’ve kind of decided that you don’t want to risk pursuing it which is fair. Especially if you guys are parting ways soon and there isn’t a likely chance that you’ll meet again (without having to change your future plans for the other.)

    I was also scared of things turning sour between my best friend and I, and I got the WORST advice from friends (the usual theme was: well it’s never going to work out, so why worry about it? just go for it!). Anyway, I’m with adventurouswoman, in that if and when he’s interested, he’ll let you know. If you just think he’s attractive but don’t want to pursue anything, then distraction is a very good idea! Though it would be sad not to enjoy his company in the meantime, if you won’t be seeing him again soon. I don’t know though. I’ve been dating my best friend for two years now (most of it long distance) and so far, so good =) I think things are going to get a lot harder very soon (we’re both looking for work, so hopefully we’ll get employed in the same city/country), but I don’t think it’s impossible. I wish you luck, whatever happens!


  11. I married my boy who was a friend 22 years ago and it was the best decision that I ever made! At first our relationship was not super passionate, but over the years of building a family and a wonderful life together, I have come to not just love him, but also to be “in love” with him. Kind of the reverse of the way it happens in the movies.

    Because I married my best friend, my days are filled with fun and affection and respect — we rerally enjoy being together (and especially traveling together!)

    It is truly a fairytale that I highly recommend!

  12. Run, Doughboy, Run said:

    Hey TravellingMad,

    Glad you enjoyed my blog entry the other day! So I stopped by your blog, and after reading this entry, I couldn’t help but comment – even though it seems like you’ve gotten plenty of feedback already.

    I used to be very much like a male version of you: many more female friends than male, much more comfortable around women than men. My best/closest friends, no matter where I went, were also always female. I could always separate thinking that a friend was attractive from actually being attracted TO her. But on two different occasions, I developed romantic feelings for my closest friends at the time.

    If your friendship is really genuine and strong enough, both of you will get over whatever awkwardness ensues from you revealing your feelings towards him.

    Plus, if you’re parting ways soon, what do you have to lose? I spent many years during high school and college going away to various programs for the summer – even if you keep in touch for awhile, most of the friends you meet you end up losing touch with over the years. So the worst possible case is a few months of awkwardness – but you could possibly gain a beautiful relationship!

    If there’s one thing in my I try to avoid doing at all costs, is looking back on things and asking “what if?” So carpe diem!

    • @Run, Doughboy, Run
      The concensus has been to go for it. However, I didn’t “go for it.” I let nature take its course and we remain good friends. There is now a frenchman that has my attention. It all worked out well. Merci for the feedback though!

  13. Having the very same issue over here. I call him my Platonic Husband. Haven’t yet blogged about him even though he’s just short of begged me to! LOL!

  14. Wow!! I don’t know if I am too late to give advice since this post is old. Anyway, if you get along with everywhere or if he treats you well then go for it. No rush but I know many cool guys like him.

  15. you want him but you dont want him. honestly i think you just might be scared of really pursuing something serious with him. Even though he is a cool guy there is some mystery still about him that you dont know. i think just going by what im reading is that once you really enter his world and you let him in yours all of perfection you are talking about now might go out the window he might have some flaws but who dont. Also let him know whats up how you know he not feeling you either. I know my reply is late so. hopefully there is a update.

    • @mronehunnid, Neither of us was looking for anything more than our friendship. That’s how it turned out. We remain friends and have both found other people to devote our love interests to.
      Thanks for the advice!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: